<3 Ah-Gurlx; i <3lurb Dark-NESS

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

STRESS!! PRESSurize! so many LEGS stepping over me.. OH GOd!!

I can't Stand att and Ps by people! Its really very irritating and and hurtful. very very sad.. i hold my tears for 3 days! and burst today.. i am angry and at the same time sad.. Although i sometime love to be in a silence and dark environment.. but not everytime i can stand to be alone.. att is given to me from some bu shuang people.. they simply think they are perfect and clever.. but in fact.. they are untidy and rude! theres a litter that not really belong to me and when i decided to pick it up in the sink as later teacher will scold.. *z!* pour water in and expect me to pick it up when its really very very soaky, soffty, Disgusting.. Gross.. i know they bu shuang some people from a same place but really.. now we were from a same place, we must be friendly to each other.. but then.. really have a very bad temper.. Fierce.. this are Att i can discribe them.. things that are unwanted, no one admit is theirs and put it on others.. and people may and may not be put for the blame in the end.. stares are created when others are nt blamed but causes own to be blame.. "Sabotage is a very very very bad inhuman Action on others" !! if is really not your wrong, can't you be Friendly abit .. So dots lor.. i can't stand this man!! don't ever think i easy bully!! Grrs..

Nowadays.. Things that are lame and childish happen like what in primary schools. "Friendship" is like a treasure to many people.. how do you feel when people just go without you with another person out of sudden.. and when the another people not there.. come back to origin? Whats about it man~ .. you think toy is it?? and somemore like.. aiya.. i don't know what to say le.. Just siian diaos.. If want promise something, please go according to it.. if not please cancel or don't even promise at first.. When u Ask people to accompany you, people don't and when they need accompany you bo biian accompany.. How do you feel?? its TERRIBLE! dots..

My heart is full of things.. but no one seem to listen to me.. when want listen..always tio cut and then never say.. kept in heart.. Heart also will disc "FULL" de mahhs.. then when burst..then say out .. its sometime too hard to say.. and when something serious like mental problems come.. ITs really too late.. Why is it so hard to find a listening ear?? nobody seem want to listen.. when you don't need help and forget about things that kept in your heart( but the trace is stil there), but listening ear just pop up anywhere.. Dots..i hate life like that.. haiis..then when need listening ear, how can you possible find people who are not trustworthy to say nehs?! thats why.. harrd arrhs.. hard to find!

Today got back Elementary test mark. at first.. it ought to be like everyone was so eager and anxious to get back the paper.. but after knowing the results.. To me.. 'why is it so?!" i am so so lOSER!! and everyone get so good marks. then me??! a jus pass and even .. the feeling is like many legs stepping over you.. many many many.. so pressurize.. when you got the results or you know other classmates gets back the results..they were all asking. "How much you get??" then saying their marks with honour, proud and smiley face.. and Comparing.. imagine.. i feel like bursting out.. thinking "What about me?? see what you have done CINDY! you are a loser!! you are a failure! you see?! people get over you le.. you brought this to yourself!! LOSer!!!" oh my god.. i am so angry plus sad plus Lonely Plus pass few days encounters. i tried so hard not to cry!! but i still does! i tried very hard.. very hard! my life is such miserable now! and then when i was like very angry because of 2 things with someone( i still talk with. and was like whatever.. still in okok relation i think) i was like.. They seem PAss results.. then i veyr angry and can't stand it.. i said a very ruthless and OVerboard sentence.. "of course you are happy.. because you scored well.." to this sentence.. it seem like done and done.. can't erase or change history.. TO this sentence i keep back.. i apologise.. i am really very very very bad moood..

After school, me and kaete walk downstair.. then she chatted with gary quite sometime.. i don't like standing there watching them.. the feeling was very Awkward, depress,Stress.. as theres Pros there.. and i am there standing doing nothing.. no one talks to me.. i was like standing there like a fool.. then i can't stand it.. i tried to tell her i am going home.. but seem like no one is listening and i am like interrupting the conversation.. so I wait wait patiently and tahan.. then until one person come and ask me what happen or so.. i BURST.. i can't stand it.. ITs very pain.. its very SAd..and people everywhere is like comparing their results with pride.. i am like face off.. i am a loser.. all thoughts come out le.. horribles.. i hate this moment.. i hate.. I control my tears.. i continue my way home..

This whole thing.. only one solution to help.. STUDDY harrd and SERIOUS and score well and SOAR high! but the problem is.. how can i do to help myself persist on and on without stopping!!! i must study well! i mustn't like that.. nowadays Compeititors are getting stronger , don't you guys find? everyone was like Aiming . one shot.. must be A.. DOts.. i must first get my concept of those theory straighten and find out solution to help my maths! i mustn't be craz too much le! .. everything has its time and place to do.. i musn't do wrong thing at the wrong time!

*paiseh if my angmoh like anyhow use.. or wrong wrong usage.. i just wanna pop up and increase my vocabs.. Jus words. =]

10:03 PM

Ah-Gurlx <3